Commitment

Commitment. Now that's one word I was seriously allergic to. I had so many issues with it. So many that the only way to say it was "cake". My friends still make fun of me when it comes to the "C" word. In fact, I still have issues with it. It explains why I'm "loan free" or without insurance, etc. In one way or another, I prefer clean transactions. Be over and done with as quickly as possible (when I'm done that is). So my commitment issues is not limited to relationship. It's simply wide range. Quite frankly, I've never been really good with commitments. I tend to screw it up and I still do with the bits that I have.

But all that changed when Bean happened. My 7 years domestic partnership automatically came to a new level and neither one of us was really ready. Dive in head first was our decision together. That's the moment I learned about the true meaning of commitment. I realised that making a commitment is not an individual thing. It's a collective one.

Today my partner said to me upon my confession of being a totally "C" freak after having spent half the day considering our next life-long decisions and she said, "that's why God gave you a big one because you never made any before."

She is right. Bean is a huge commitment and everything else that comes with it. There's no hiding from it anymore. I can't deny it anymore. It's time to grow up. I am a mother now.